My first STD was from a foam party
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
