just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You need Xanax blowdarts
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
