Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
