I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
