I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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