Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
