I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
