What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
