One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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