you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
