she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
