I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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