I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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