I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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