it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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