Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It was confusing and full of hummus
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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