we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
