what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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