i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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