AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Randomize
