i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
