well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
