Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
