Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
