I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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