If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
