if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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