Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
