I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
