The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
