I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
