I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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