I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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