Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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