i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize