Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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