college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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