hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
