Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
