your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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