How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
