Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
