Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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