what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
