i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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