Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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