Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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