If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
