If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
