I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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