Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
